Germs

Okay, so I have a confession. This will come as no surprise to those who know me, but I am a germaphobe. Maybe not certifiably, but it’s a problem nonetheless. I keep multiple containers of hand sanitizer in my purse. In the winter months, when flu and cold season is in full swing, I wash my hands so frequently and use so much sanitizer that my hands actually become scaly… almost reptilian. I call it my winter eczema, which my husband always says is not a real thing. Doctor Google proves him wrong once again. I know my obsessive hand cleansing probably doesn’t do much to actually protect me from germs, but it makes me feel better to think it does, so just let me have that.

Being a germaphobe is hard when you have kids… especially when you have little kids. They tend to do things that can disgust even those who aren’t easily grossed out. For instance, my son, now well into his terrible twos, used to have a real problem keeping his mouth to himself. I’d put him in a shopping cart and he would promptly begin sucking it like one of those fish that clean the scum off fish tanks. I imagine my kid isn’t the only one to do this and I have to wonder how many kids did this exact thing before my boy latched on. People would stare as I frantically tried to distract him from the cart. Some stores are kind enough to provide sanitizing wipes for carts, probably for this reason. This same child has no qualms picking up the popcorn he just dropped on the wet parking lot asphalt outside the store and plopping the kernels into his beak with glee. It always happens so fast, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. I can tell him that eating food off the ground is disgusting, especially after it has fallen into some mystery substance on the ground (gag!). But he doesn’t understand this. All he gets from our conversation is a new fun word. Now, he happily calls many innocuous things “disgusting.”

As a germaphobe, one of the most stressful parts of having kids is having to take them to the pediatrician. As I walk up to the door, I think about all the sick germs that are probably plastered all over the surface, just waiting to be picked up on my hands. Then, I have to wonder what disease is slathered on the community pen that must be used to sign in. I usually pull out the hand sanitizer at this point. And this isn’t even the worst part. In our office, there is a well side and a sick side. I don’t know if that’s typical in pediatrician offices. I get the purpose and it’s a good idea in theory. But there is no wall to separate the two sides. And parents and kids don’t always stick to the sides they are supposed to. It’s effectively about as good as the old smoking sections in restaurants used to be. The few times I’ve had to sit on the sick side have been nerve-wracking for me because I am terrified to touch anything. I also don’t want my kids touching anything, but anyone with a toddler knows that when said child sees a colorful toy covered in the slime of other children, the child simply cannot resist putting its own ickiness on the item. So, not only do I have to worry about whatever currently ails my kid, but now I have to worry about what horrific stomach bug or respiratory virus he’s going to catch from the germ-infested toy.

The well side is not much better. Well kids in for check-ups sneeze inches away from my newborn, wiping the slimy residue on whatever surface is closest to them. Then there are the kids with thick, mucous-laden coughs that rival those of a pack-a-day smoker. It’s impossible for me to breathe easy until I am safely in the minivan, frantically pulling out my watermelon scented hand sanitizer for the millionth time in the span of an hour. Amazingly, my kids seem to escape the situation unscathed most of the time, which means the office must be pretty clean. But that fact does nothing to ease my anxiety and every visit is torture.

I consider my family fortunate that I am able to stay home most of the time with the kids so neither of them are currently in daycare. One of the biggest benefits of this for me (besides saving a boatload of money and getting to spend time with them) is that my babies don’t get sick very often. And, yes, I know there are those who would say I’m doing them a disservice by not exposing them to all those icky germs early on and that they will be sick all the time when they start school. To be fair, Nick did do a four-month stunt in a family daycare, starting at the age of six months. It took all of two weeks for him to catch a horrendous respiratory infection that basically lasted the entire time he was in daycare. It was so bad, a PA said he very nearly had pneumonia. Nick’s doctor prescribed him these albuterol breathing treatments that we had to do several times a day, which were no picnic. Now, every time he gets a cold, he has to use these treatments.

 

So, maybe delaying their exposure to the general germ population will be worse for my kids later on, but at least when they are five, I can give them some cold medicine to treat their symptoms. When a baby has a respiratory infection, all you can really do is turn on the cool mist humidifier and let them suffer through it. It’s not as though staying at home has kept them from catching anything, though. They still get sick on occasion. Nick had a horrendous two-week bout of the stomach flu at the beginning of the year, which made its way through our little family twice and also inflicted itself upon both sets of grandparents. The rest of the year has been pretty smooth sailing… knock on wood. But cold and flu season is just around the corner. And now that I have a newborn, frequent doctor visits are unavoidable. I guess it’s time to stock up on that hand sanitizer again.